I have been keeping track of how many times I am in pain and it's severity. I have also been keeping track of my blood pressure and my weight. Plus when I have a bowel movement, it's consistency, and frequency. Should they stop, I have to get to the ER.
I've lost another 5 lbs in a week without trying, but then again the nausea kind of puts a damper on my appetite. My blood pressure is a little high ranging from 140/90 to 146/95. It's been like that for almost 3 years because of my weight and from what the doctors say, "high, but not worthy of medication".
It's the pain that has me concerned.
Sunday was pretty bad but I contributed that to over doing it Saturday night. On Monday I was annoyed about having to waste 4 hours at a doctors appointment that I didn't need. I had to stop for coffee creamer at the grocery store and there were no close parking spots. I had to stop three times, holding onto peoples cars, before I made it to the door. I also decided to get an application for a handicapped sticker, it's quite obvious I need one now before the surgery. I was uncomfortable when I got home Tuesday but nothing 800mg of Motrin and the heating pad on the couch couldn't relieve.
Yesterday I noticed that I couldn't straighten up erect to walk and my knees are kind of buckling. I went to the doctor for something to alleviate the pain and to sign off on the handicap sticker. My blood pressure was up a bit due to the pain and I explained that to the nurse. Good thing I have a medical background. When a new nurse came in to make notes for the reason for my visit, I lost it when I told him the preliminary diagnosis of ovarian cancer. He got me some tissues and I apologized for not being able to compose myself. He was very nice and said I was in a place where I was allowed, and encouraged, to say how I feel and not have to apologize for it. He held my hand for a bit and went to get the doctor. The doctor signed off on my requests and gave me a script for pain.
Anyway.... I was suppose to go see Tami at the Power of One in Venice but I felt so run down and all the walking had my right side banging. I figured I'd put on my big girl panties and suck it up and go. Then I looked at the weather coming up from Venice and that put the brakes on that. I didn't feel well and I wasn't about to drive in pouring rain, so I went home. Somewhere along the line, my big girl panties disappeared.
I started sinking a bit because I wanted to see Tami and the pain was creeping in harder. I took some pain meds and lied on the couch for awhile. I got up to see what was up on Facebook and my niece Rachel left me a video from Martina McBride, "I'm Gonna Love You Through It" that had me balling my eyes out. I love that girl SO MUCH, but I lost my big girl panties and said "fuck it"..... I'm giving myself permission to cry. I needed a good cry and Jimmy Bimmy cuddled up next to me and licked my tears away. Texting back and forth with Joanne helped me from not slipping too far. She's such a good friend, I don't know what I'd do without her love and support. I spent the majority of the day going from the couch to the laptop (until I couldn't tolerate sitting there) and back to the couch.
I slept in spurts and tossed A LOT. Every time I turned, I woke Jeff up because I couldn't help the verbal wincing. My knees hurt, my back, my hips, and mostly the pain in my abdomen. It actually woke me up. I went to bed at 2am and I couldn't take it anymore and got out of bed at 8am.
Today was the first day since I was diagnosed that I needed to take pain meds just to function when I got out of bed. Usually the heating pad helps, but this was more than just my back and hips. I'm agitated because I didn't sleep and the pain in my right lower quadrant is hovering around the "pissed off" range on my pain meter. That's good though.... at least it's not the "crying " range.
Before the pain meds kicked in, I was hunched over in pain. I was hanging onto the walls for support. And even my "safe" position was uncomfortable.
If I have one more night like last night and wake up like this again, or worse..... I'm admitting myself into the hospital.
So needless to say, today was a ranting day. I need to get this kind of crap off my chest so I can see it for what it is and make the correct choices about my health. My "safe" position on the couch is working and I'm going to try and take a nap.
Let's hope I'm not as cranky, or in as much pain, when I wake up :)
God Bless and send me prayers!!! Love you all!!!!
